I have no idea whether this is true, that's only something that the clinic who was conducting your exam mentioned. "Apparently, it's a male, but we'll only know for sure in a couple of weeks". And we started dreaming differently, without daring to say so, your mother and I. I changed my mental landscape to fishing trips and video-game-playing, and (argh) sports. Because that's what a dad is supposed to do, you know. And I feel I'll not be good in doing sports, even if I do walk a lot. It's just not my cup of tea, but for you, ok, I'll do it. Dammit.
My father liked sports. I think he just didn't like to play a lot with me, because I was do puny, in a lot of senses. Never one for phisically surpassing one's expectations, me. But I can say I tried. I represented my school twice in distance leaps, and when I got into Military School, I was one of the few ones that could excel in some of the tests and apply to olympic gymnastics. I am short, so that's not too difficult. Even so, by then, it was a little late to bond with your grandpa, so we always were a little awkward. I began reading a lot, he went to the practical ways of life. I've never been good in making money, just good at following my passions, so eventually I realized that, apart from what I was good at, there was not much of a future to me. And I decided to do precisely that, what I was good at. Reading, drawing, talking to people about the things I liked. Surprisingly, it was not difficult to make it work, once I realized that this, too, had value.
It took a while, though.
I'll tell you about my adolescence sometime. And my late teens. A guy who barely spoke anything to anyone, and kept everything to himself, including his parents' divorce. Deeply influenced by Bukowsky and Baudelaire. A sardonic, vitriolic adolescent. Like thousands - all of them thinking they are one of a kind.
For now, i'll just remember the images of that exam. The first time I saw you. Alive and well, jumping from moment to moment as if you were a mexican bean in a frying pan. And you were just five centimeters tall, imagine that. I'm sort of in love already.
Best,
Dad.
